The Would-Be Writer

Hey all,  Yes I know it’s been a long time, but I’ve been busy with work and family. I know it’s an age old excuse; however it’s extremely valid for me.  So a quick review of what’s been happening since my last post. Yes I was ecstatic, and I well have managed to maintain that feeling for quite some time now. But yes I have recently been employed. Yaaayy for me!!!!!!!!!  So yes, imp working at an office which has a total of four people other than me. It’s a nice place. It’s clean and comfortable. But other than that the chair sucks. I have now decided to keep myself uplifted at all times. There is no way that will let someone to bring me down.  I work hard, and I should be able to play hard also. So my new rule in life is to take care of myself as well as others. Yes my father has not been well at all. However, he is much better now and overall things are looking pretty good. Over time we should be able to get over our pain, but some things just tak...

You know at my age, very close to 25, you learn a few things in life. The first thing you learn is that you second guess yourself all your life. There is nothing you can do about it. There are major decisions you wish you had a clear path to, a clear defined decision or solution to but you don’t. The second thing you learn is that there are many different kinds of friends around. And the funny thing is you need them. The good and bad all together. Another thing I’ve learned is that there are many different kinds of love. There are so many types of them around which you experience in your life. There’s the love of the family, there is the love of friends, for both these loves you are willing to die and stand up to the worst of situations. Now the third kind of love is the one you find in the opposite sex, or the ones who might find in the same sex. See this is the love we all strive to find. The perfect partner. The one who takes our breath away. That one look which makes you weak in...

Hello to all my readers. Yes I have been away for a long time. It’s been some time now. But I really wasn’t up to my capabilities to write. Things were very haphazard. My dad wasn’t well and just came out of the hospital. Alhamdulillah he’s much better now. However, not out of danger yet. It’s been a month since my birthday. I am now a whopping 24, much closer to 25 than I would like. I have no part of my life yet figured out. And it scares the shit out of me. There is nothing I can currently do to right the wrongs in my life. In fact things were so far gone, that I took up smoking. I am currently trying to leave the thing before it gets out of my hands. Yes people who know me personally and read this will be highly disappointed to know this about me. Before they voice their concerns believe me I’m disappointed in myself more than they could ever be. The thing about disappointment is that you have to live with yourself for a longer time than you have to live with someone else. If yo...

So aj mai sab kuch urdu mai likhu gi. Zara mood nahi English mai baat karne ka. Actually this is how I think… Alternating between urdu and English. Khair aj I just wanted to check in with my peeps. There is only one thing on my mind. Aj kal ke loog inteha ke kute hote hain. Yes people who know me will tell you ke mai galiaya nahi deti. But the situation calls for that. I have only one question, wo mard kya kehlate hian jo aik aurat ko uske paise wapis dene ke lia rulate hian? I mean what are they known as? is it a special breed? Cause I would like to know. Ke aise bando ki gairat kahan ghas charne chali jati hai? Matlab paise mere, investment meri aur bharam ap dikhao…… I really want to know where this happens. So basically let me give you all a little insigt as to whats happening. I had this friend, who borrowed some money from me. And uske baad uske sath mai ne paise invest bhy kardia the. And now, I want my money back. The douche bag isn’t prepared to transfer the amount via Weste...

So, I'm using this new software which allows me use to my windows to update my blog……. anyways, hello everyone. To all my nonexistent readers out there. Yes I know it has become customary for me to say that even thought I know some people do end up reading my blog. Thank you to all those people I really don’t know what to write today. But I felt like writing. So here goes. well the only thing in mind right now is the fact how marriages are a tricky thing to keep and maintain and sustain. Yes I mean all those words. I mean come on; don’t you think that marriage is about keeping the promises to one another? Isn’t it also about maintaining the relationship for the whole of your life? And isn't it about sustaining the relationship past all the bumps and speed breakers? I think it is…. you might say what does an unmarried chink now about marriage? Well you are writing on that account. I have no personal experience of being married. What I do have is a lot of second hand experience...

So I know it has been some time since I lasted posted here. Yes I know some of you might be now tired of listening to me rant and rave about silly things. I mean people all around the world are dying; there is hunger, poverty and children dying all around me. Yet I refuse to think about anyone but myself. How selfish of me is that? But what I have been through I have realized that at some point in our lives we have to think about ourselves. But I have been extremely silly in thinking life would be honky dory after everything. It’s true what they say, you don’t know what you’re capable of until you’re in the mess. You can’t possibly know that you can fight a storm and survive it until you do face a storm. So there’s that. Now the reason for today’s post is the date today. It’s the thirteenth of September. His birthday. Yes, extremely juvenile I know but I can’t help it. I feel like I'm in mourning. Like someone has just died on me and there is nothing I can do about it...

Look closely at the title that I have kept for this post, burning all bridges. You might wonder how someone can do that, burn all the bridges. Let me tell you how. In the last 48 hours I have managed to alienate and push everyone I know away. It might sound stupid. It really is not. Let’s start from the beginning. The guy I keep pining about? If you have been reading my blog you will know what I’m talking about. He just refuses to get out of my head. I have been and come out of serious clinical depression because of him. I guess just as there is an age for binge drinking and all, there is an age for bearing loss and companionship. So yes I think I was past that age when he left. His friend, best friend I might add was with me. With me in a weird way. We were friends yet not friend, not a couple. Yes it might sound weird and very bad. Extremely bad I might add. But that’s how it was. So he lied to me and I blew up. According to him it’s alright for him to lie to me because I’m...

Goodmorning to the world that is just waking up, goodnight to the ones who are going to bed and a very Goodevening to the people who are sitting down to dinner... I've been itching to write for the past two days, but I haven't been feeling upto it.... Well here goes:  I read a blog a few days ago about desi relationships. Something of the brown people problems were discussed in it. Coming froma conservative family and having done everything the blog mentioned I can't very well make fun of it. Then again, a person who can joke about themselves can face a lot of things, or so I've read. Relationships in my part of the world are mostly frowned upon...  I'm at an age where the marriage mart is running at full speed and the prospects are running out. It is also the age where life becomes a yad bit hectic as everyone is eyeing you and when you will get married. I hope someone from the west reads this post... I would like them to know that this culture of courting the girl...

Eid Mubarak to all of my Muslim brothers and sisters. Life is just a shit hole right now. All I want to do is screaming and scream my head off. This is how I feel right now. This is jealousy. Yes self-evaluation is all the rage now. People are just stupid they like to believe they don’t know what is wrong. I believe that all along, people are well aware of what is going on. They know exactly what the mind is thinking and what the heart is feeling. I’m burning up with jealousy. Yes its sounds stupid right? Who in this wide world might admit to it all? Well I’m not that small; I like to be upfront with what I feel. I miss him every single day. I do and I honestly want to bring this to an end. I pray every day for the release from this pain. But it never seems to come. The relief I am looking for, it never seems to come. How is it that I, who didn’t do shit, who didn’t do anything wrong ended up with short end of the stick? Yes I’m back to my whining self. I cannot help it....

I seem to be on a roll right nowadays. I mean what could explain the need to use my laptop for writing out my thoughts this frequently. Well I am so deal with it. What got me in the mood right now is the amazing music of Abida Parveen. To all those who are not aware of this amazing woman, should instantly Google her. You might be able to find translations of her work and music with subtitles in your language with them. So please do look. Her music basically falls under the category of Sufi music. Her music is beautiful. The words are what should be heard and understood. Once again I apologize for my ramblings and ranting. I am in no way paying heed to the fact that my grammar is shit and what I’m writing might not even be good. I just want to get this out there as soon as possible. The thought of appealing to the masses has lost its appeal in the regent months. Why should I look for the approval of people who only care about bringing me down? I am under no obligation to do so...

Hello, to all the faceless people who might end up reading this. Hello to all those faces who I know might end up reading this. Let me just start by saying things are good. My life has never been boring. It certainly won’t start now will it? Let’s hope it does. Before I go any further, I want to tell this one person, who does read my blog that this blog is in no terms about you. Even a little bit, so please read this with a grain of salt…. And if you need any more help figuring out who I am talking about then let me please give you a hint, ‘The Man 2’. Now, that I have gotten that out of the way let’s talk about what’s been going on. I’m here in Abu Dhabi, UAE. I have come here to say goodbye to this place as a second home. For the past five years, I have had a residence visa of this country. Now however I will have to hand it back to the Arabs. Well no harm in that. The thing is I can’t quite decide whether I should be sad or happy. I have conflicting emotions about this cha...

Hey all, it has been sometime since I wrote anything. In fact, nowadays, these posts are the only things which are the words written by me. For the longest of time, words were my strong suit. There is no doubt about that. They were the only thing going for me. Lately, even speaking has become difficult. I wonder why that is? Could anyone tell what are the reasons a person, perfectly capable of speech, has now started to stutter? I am writing this post at a time when I have nothing else to do. All my friends, my life lines have gone to sleep. Well not all the two who I love the most. They are amazing friends. One is a classmate from when I was in ninth. And counting, that is almost 10 years. We have had our ups and downs, but we always manage to bounce back. The thing about this guy is that he is a bastard. Hahah yes that is the word for him. He is rude, insolent, blunt, and judgmental and a few other rude words I would like to place on him. However, he is a gem of a person...

Two days ago, a stranger praised me on my writing. He had come across my blog and struck up a conversation with me. It was invigorating. Highly stimulating and extremely fun. But what got to me was the fact that he seem to get where I'm coming from in my writing. Very few people actually understand.  He shared a quote with me. It was a very nice one something about people not being able to keep up with what they say.  This post is now being continued on another day  I just can't seem to sleep. What better way to while away the time than to write. People don't understand what the life of an insomniac is like. It's not well. I think I just had a panic attack. I met two new friends. Both are a lot of work. They have very many similar traits. But I like ye one better than the other. I don't know how to explain it. They both are self sufficient, self reliant and believe in making me work towards a goal. They both love criticizing me and irritating me.  But honestly speak...

People who still read my blog, meager in it's existence, thank you for doing so. Well for the some time I have not been able to sleep at night. I sleep at around 6 in the morning and wake up at around 12 in the afternoon. But oh well. My routine has gone to shit. There is no excuse for it. Provided I have good company at night. I have watched around two dozen plus movies this way. I'm being a very good girl and keeping up with my seasons.  It's after midnight and I really want to sleep. But try as I might I can't seem to. Uff this insomnia is tiring me. Plus I have lost all motivation to work. At the moment I'm highly motivated to get married. Yes it sounds very funny. But I am hell serious. Plus my mum is now getting down to serious business about getting me married of to some bloke she seems perfect for me. Let me tell you what's requirements are for the perfect match.  1: He should be taller than me. Meaning if I wear heels he should still be taller than me. ...

Well, it's yet another night and I'm awake. But it's alright. Honestly. I have great company. And this is all I need. What I really wanted to talk about was, this post I read yesterday. Believe me it was beautiful.... It was pure emotion on page. I just kind of stumbled on the blog, and read the post. It was about a girl expressing her love. I have no idea how the writer made me feel exactly what she was feeling for the guy. And for awhile I thought she reached into my mind and pulled out every feeling I had and put it to words.    This a continued from another day  I have just come back home after around two weeks. No I wasn't out partying or out of station. I had merely changed addresses within the same city. So I feel a bit better. My depression has gone down considerably and I feel like should start exercising now.  The FIFA championships are under way. While I am not at all an avid follower, I still watch all the world cups and tournaments of the ga...

Hello peeps..... It's 6:36 on the clock PST. I haven't slept since yesterday. I find this insomnia and lack of sleep bloody irritating, where once I used to take great pride in. It was a big night for Muslims around the world. So like the good girl I try to be, try being the operative word, I prayed and am now fasting.  I find praying and asking my God for things a bit silly. I mean isn't he supposed to know what I want. Well when I asked the adults around me this question, the answer I got was quite simple: prayer is a blessing from my God to me, it allows me to be selfish and ask for what I want rather than He wants to bestow upon me; incase I find He hasn't given me what I want I can complain and ask for more, all the while my good deeds are stacking up simply because I'm allowed to cry and whine.  How amazing is that. Please be rest assured these are my personal views, and I don't intend for anyone to follow or take to heart what I say here. I met this guy r...

Hey all!!! Lol alright this blog is the result of watching the show 'The Bachelor'. Hahhaha I just can not get over this show. This was a result of being extremely bored and all the series being on a pause.  A guy gets to court and date 25 women till he decides which one to ask to marry. Hahahhaha this season that I'm watching had a girl reject him once, so he's back again.  This goes to show that even the westerners have their twisted customs. Hahhaha women being paraded around till a guy chooses the one he wants. So where did the whole concept of equality go off to? I mean aren't the women be able to be Independent and choose the man she wants. Here there are 25 women who are all dolled up and trying to impress a guy cause he's loaded, cute and amazing to look at.  So let me point out a few more things: the girls are all bitchy, hahaha I mean please girls you need to calm down. Oh and also this season has a supposed lesbian couple!!!! They have met for the fir...

Please don't be scared with the title, I have no idea what to title my post today. So much has been going on. And I just needed some space to breathe. Thus the post today.  I am in immense denial!!! I am avoiding all the different issues which I have to face. And once again I'm going to sound like a broken record. But I miss him. Every minute of every day of the past four months. I hate it.  I have completely shut my mind down. And even then the bitch of the memories. Keep coming back. Things have become so distorted inside my mind that I don't even know what to do.  And I wish I could have someone who could seperate the things. Because my mind has made a huge mush of things. And I hate it!!! There is no other way of saying it. The movies don't distract me, the books don't help. Nothing helps anymore. And it's kind of made a mess of things for me.  I know for a fact that I didn't mean shit. What could I have to offer to someone so amazing. But I'm not th...

Hey all long time no see... Missed you a lot. But things have been happening at my home. My father lost his job, he has been prescribed an operation of his knee (pls pray for him), and my uncle passed away. So it has been a tough week for me. I've been down in the dumps. Now for the good news. My cousin had a baby boy, I finished my bachelors well almost and I made new friends. Throughout all this I only wanted to talk to one person. No one else sufficed. Isn't it silly? I have so many people in my life the. Why do I crave only one person? It's silly stupid and idiotic of me. I gues It wast mistake for being so blind. But we can't do anything about that now. The title of this is dedicated to something that happened today, well lol also cause I'm watching an Indian film 'Boss'. For all those who are not familiar, pls refer to akshay kumar's movie 'Boss'. I'm sure you lot can find in it English subtitles. This movie is hilarious. I can...

I think I have lost my mojo... Well yes pleas pull your minds out of the gutter. Not the mojo we all are thinking about (including me), but my writing mojo. I have just now received a project that I have to work on. All I can do is stare at the screen.  Me, the person who has always been good with words, hasn't been able to write even a single word. So I am all lost and decided to get my mojo back. What better way than to appeal to the masses that I need to write. There is something called self respect also. But we will disregard that for now.  My mojo is probably lost on account of the countless nights spent staying awake. There is no telling what sort of evil is brewing in my mind, which has rendered me incapable of writing. Something that I have always enjoyed doing. There is no way that I will surrender to my mojo being lost. I demand for it to come back.  I thought my mojo had been stolen by the abyss of sadness that I had encountered in my life. But I realize that i...

Yes, I'm a Pakistani and I can talk about sex. The topic might be. A closeted one, but our youth is still able to talk about it amongst each other. Probably the same with any other culture, though I'm not as good of an authority as I sound to be.  Anyways, nowadays it seems that very few virgins are left standing. They are like the angels which are seen with great difficulty, or probably never at all..... I'm. It contesting that there aren't any, I'm just questioning there existence in our culture. Where once upon a time virgins were regarded highly in our society, the bachas and the bachas of today find the concept of staying 'intact' incomprehensible. So let me take the pleasure of talking about the birds and bees again. Incase someone missed the talk. It goes something like this: the man the woman get together 'after marriage' and get busy. Now might I add that when I googled the birds and the bees, things such as the origin of the story, urban di...