The Would-Be Writer

I had a fit last night. Not a fit where my body seized up and I had to be rushed to the hospital. It was a fit of irrational needs and wishes. All of a sudden, all I wanted to do was pick up the phone and dial. Just to hear the voice which I feared I am losing touch of. I was so gripped with fear that all rational thought flew out of the window. Then I messaged a friend. So that I could get distracted for a little while, to eventually fall asleep. However, the conversation went on for a really long time. Now this friend of mine is someone who I have realized is pretty sage for their age and experience. While I was wailing away about how I missed the voice I was dying to hear; and how I wondered if I was being missed with same out of mind intensity. My friend said, you probably are missed, but only sometimes. But they weren’t afraid enough of missing you forever to let you go. This made so much sense. There is no way in hell I could have come up with that rationale. There needs t...

There was once a princess, in a far away land. While she may   not have been the prettiest of them all, or the wittiest of them all, she was the happiest of them all. Her mind was full of happy thoughts and big ideas on life. Little did she know that while she was a princess in her own castle, she was nothing but a regular child in the outside world. She was not aware of how her little kingdom was in danger of being shattered. And shatter it did, not once not twice but many many times. Over time, the princess began to realize her ideas of life and love and happiness were nothing but a sham built in her mind. Every time her world shattered, it hurt a little more, and bit in a little deep. However, she never stopped believing, never stopped believing that it would always be alright. She loved with all her heart, and soul. While many deemed her crazy for doing so in the bad bad world they lived in. she never really admitted defeat. She fell, once, twice, many many times. Infa...

So I have been away for quite some time. There was no post on new year's eve as is my norm. Neither was there one on my birthday or through one of the major changes which I just went through. But today, right now right here, I want to write.  A friend once said to me, that once I actually fall in love, or have a partner, I won't feel the need to write. I wholeheartedly disagreed with him at that time. But then I realized he was right. However, on another note, I'm still single. The reason I have not been able to pen my thoughts, is simple: I don't feel the need to externalize my thoughts anymore. I am extrovert, turned into an introvert. My extrovert fights against it, but then I think that is what growing up is all about.  Ok back to why I want to write today, so it will be a disjointed piece, hope it is not crucified. Its been a whole year to date, that my grandfather passed away. And I have been feeling his absence a lot recently. Probably because I am going thro...

It’s been a long time. And I have so much going on that I don’t know where to start. But i think I will start by saying that I missed writing. It’s so cathartic that I don’t think I can ever get the same peace from anywhere else. I have been busy with work. I have been busy with travelling. But then that is another story for another time. Right now what I want to write about is love. My posts usually are about love aren’t they? Well I shan’t disappoint you all this time also. I say good riddance to all the bad things that have happened to me due to that one person. I say good riddance to all the insecurity I was under due to that one bad person in my life. I say good riddance to all the doubts that clouded my self-worth due to that one person. And I also say this with all my heart that I hope you find all the happiness you deserve. Since I am happy now, or what I think is happy for me. But what I want to ask you ladies out there is why do we women allow men to over shadow ...

So, I'm using this new software which allows me use to my windows to update my blog……. anyways, hello everyone. To all my nonexistent readers out there. Yes I know it has become customary for me to say that even thought I know some people do end up reading my blog. Thank you to all those people I really don’t know what to write today. But I felt like writing. So here goes. well the only thing in mind right now is the fact how marriages are a tricky thing to keep and maintain and sustain. Yes I mean all those words. I mean come on; don’t you think that marriage is about keeping the promises to one another? Isn’t it also about maintaining the relationship for the whole of your life? And isn't it about sustaining the relationship past all the bumps and speed breakers? I think it is…. you might say what does an unmarried chink now about marriage? Well you are writing on that account. I have no personal experience of being married. What I do have is a lot of second hand experience...

So I know it has been some time since I lasted posted here. Yes I know some of you might be now tired of listening to me rant and rave about silly things. I mean people all around the world are dying; there is hunger, poverty and children dying all around me. Yet I refuse to think about anyone but myself. How selfish of me is that? But what I have been through I have realized that at some point in our lives we have to think about ourselves. But I have been extremely silly in thinking life would be honky dory after everything. It’s true what they say, you don’t know what you’re capable of until you’re in the mess. You can’t possibly know that you can fight a storm and survive it until you do face a storm. So there’s that. Now the reason for today’s post is the date today. It’s the thirteenth of September. His birthday. Yes, extremely juvenile I know but I can’t help it. I feel like I'm in mourning. Like someone has just died on me and there is nothing I can do about it...

Eid Mubarak to all of my Muslim brothers and sisters. Life is just a shit hole right now. All I want to do is screaming and scream my head off. This is how I feel right now. This is jealousy. Yes self-evaluation is all the rage now. People are just stupid they like to believe they don’t know what is wrong. I believe that all along, people are well aware of what is going on. They know exactly what the mind is thinking and what the heart is feeling. I’m burning up with jealousy. Yes its sounds stupid right? Who in this wide world might admit to it all? Well I’m not that small; I like to be upfront with what I feel. I miss him every single day. I do and I honestly want to bring this to an end. I pray every day for the release from this pain. But it never seems to come. The relief I am looking for, it never seems to come. How is it that I, who didn’t do shit, who didn’t do anything wrong ended up with short end of the stick? Yes I’m back to my whining self. I cannot help it....

Hello, to all the faceless people who might end up reading this. Hello to all those faces who I know might end up reading this. Let me just start by saying things are good. My life has never been boring. It certainly won’t start now will it? Let’s hope it does. Before I go any further, I want to tell this one person, who does read my blog that this blog is in no terms about you. Even a little bit, so please read this with a grain of salt…. And if you need any more help figuring out who I am talking about then let me please give you a hint, ‘The Man 2’. Now, that I have gotten that out of the way let’s talk about what’s been going on. I’m here in Abu Dhabi, UAE. I have come here to say goodbye to this place as a second home. For the past five years, I have had a residence visa of this country. Now however I will have to hand it back to the Arabs. Well no harm in that. The thing is I can’t quite decide whether I should be sad or happy. I have conflicting emotions about this cha...

Sorry for such a long gap.... Loss of my phone has hit me hard. I have been swamped, I dont't know what to do anymore. I'm probably not going to graduate this term. And it is making me finicky.... Apart from that I have a big decision to make. Why is it that we look forward to growing up????  I wish I was still a kid. No hard decisions to be made.... No one could depend on me. I wasn't responsible for anyone's happiness. It was all about me and my little wishes, such as going on the swings, pkaying out all day, junk food when I want. Simpler and much happier times.  I have to decide if I should carry forward a proposal which I have recently gotten....... Carried forward from a previous musing....... People don't like sympathizing with other peoples pain. It is just heartbreaking how easy it is to move on. Taking for example the plane which had recently disappeared.  Sitting here in class I look around, all I see are young kids who have no worries. But they all ca...