The Would-Be Writer

So I have been away for quite some time. There was no post on new year's eve as is my norm. Neither was there one on my birthday or through one of the major changes which I just went through. But today, right now right here, I want to write.  A friend once said to me, that once I actually fall in love, or have a partner, I won't feel the need to write. I wholeheartedly disagreed with him at that time. But then I realized he was right. However, on another note, I'm still single. The reason I have not been able to pen my thoughts, is simple: I don't feel the need to externalize my thoughts anymore. I am extrovert, turned into an introvert. My extrovert fights against it, but then I think that is what growing up is all about.  Ok back to why I want to write today, so it will be a disjointed piece, hope it is not crucified. Its been a whole year to date, that my grandfather passed away. And I have been feeling his absence a lot recently. Probably because I am going thro...

Eid Mubarak to all of my Muslim brothers and sisters. Life is just a shit hole right now. All I want to do is screaming and scream my head off. This is how I feel right now. This is jealousy. Yes self-evaluation is all the rage now. People are just stupid they like to believe they don’t know what is wrong. I believe that all along, people are well aware of what is going on. They know exactly what the mind is thinking and what the heart is feeling. I’m burning up with jealousy. Yes its sounds stupid right? Who in this wide world might admit to it all? Well I’m not that small; I like to be upfront with what I feel. I miss him every single day. I do and I honestly want to bring this to an end. I pray every day for the release from this pain. But it never seems to come. The relief I am looking for, it never seems to come. How is it that I, who didn’t do shit, who didn’t do anything wrong ended up with short end of the stick? Yes I’m back to my whining self. I cannot help it....

Please don't be scared with the title, I have no idea what to title my post today. So much has been going on. And I just needed some space to breathe. Thus the post today.  I am in immense denial!!! I am avoiding all the different issues which I have to face. And once again I'm going to sound like a broken record. But I miss him. Every minute of every day of the past four months. I hate it.  I have completely shut my mind down. And even then the bitch of the memories. Keep coming back. Things have become so distorted inside my mind that I don't even know what to do.  And I wish I could have someone who could seperate the things. Because my mind has made a huge mush of things. And I hate it!!! There is no other way of saying it. The movies don't distract me, the books don't help. Nothing helps anymore. And it's kind of made a mess of things for me.  I know for a fact that I didn't mean shit. What could I have to offer to someone so amazing. But I'm not th...