Goodness Gracious

Goodmorning to the world that is just waking up, goodnight to the ones who are going to bed and a very Goodevening to the people who are sitting down to dinner... I've been itching to write for the past two days, but I haven't been feeling upto it.... Well here goes: 

I read a blog a few days ago about desi relationships. Something of the brown people problems were discussed in it. Coming froma conservative family and having done everything the blog mentioned I can't very well make fun of it. Then again, a person who can joke about themselves can face a lot of things, or so I've read. Relationships in my part of the world are mostly frowned upon... 

I'm at an age where the marriage mart is running at full speed and the prospects are running out. It is also the age where life becomes a yad bit hectic as everyone is eyeing you and when you will get married. I hope someone from the west reads this post... I would like them to know that this culture of courting the girl came from them. 

Le

To me talk about the stage people my age are currently. All of my friends are married and having kids, some of them even have two. Now

 Let me tell you that all of these friends if mine choose their own partners. These are the people a who have been together since they were in ninth or tenth grade. So everyone a who thinks love marriages don't work out or that loyalty isn't a thing anymore can take a look at my batch. I'm happy for all of them. While I was not the cool kid, I was still on ok terms with all of them. 

We are the generation who had to hide our phones from our parents because we had messages from our beau on them. We are the generation when the phones didn't have locks on them. We are from the generations who didn't have enough money to buy credit to talk to our partners, so we billed our parents by using the landline. It was the best of times and it was the worst of times as has been said by one do the great writers. 

The goras find our ways of getting married archaic. They question us as adults because we let our parents decide for us when it comes to choosing our partners. But let me remind them that it was then who brought this into play. Anybody who has seen western movies, the British movies, the historical movies are well aware that the angrez also followed this method. Infact dowry was a major factor in their marriages. 

The cotillion, the coming out, the contract if marriage, asking the father of the girl for her hand, the men deciding the dowry and matter if marriage. This is what their culture was not so long ago. The argument may come Into play that they have moved on... I beg to differ sweethearts. The elite of the elite in England and America still have cotilitons and don't allow guys to court their daughters without proper permission. And is it so bad not to allow young girls to be allowed to court a guy without any knowledge or permission from the adults? I really don't think so. 

I've heard it said that if a sister learns her brother is in love she will always support him, while if a brother finds out his sister is in love he will never support her. I think that says a lot about men and women. We are just built differently. I think that's alright. I like the idea that men are different from is women. Otherwise there would be hell to pay for. 

Marriage is something which is for life. It is pretty embarrassing to explain why a couple broke up... Just a couple who isn't married but are dating. Imagine the pain, trauma of going through divorce because we made a mistake or couldn't manage to work it out... I think it's always easy to fall in love. But it's hard to make it through everything. Sticking to one person for the rest of your life is very difficult... 

I think the desi mums are onto something when they pick a chappal to beat their child senseless when they mention picking their own partner... My dad has five brothers out of which 2 married their own choice and the third makes it look like it was love marriage even though it wasn't. Imagine this my grandparents, one is 90 and the other is around 80 allowed their children to choose their partners... 

Even though one was a divorcee with two grown kids. So all you westerners before you go judging, please keep in mind us brown people's parents do think about their children's happiness. When my parents decided it was time for me to get married, it was my grandparents who asked me whether I had someone in mind... Cool right? I think it is very.... Since I'm the eldest in my family, eldest in the paternal side of my family, they all have a say in my marriage and I mean everyone. All my uncles, my dad, and my grandfather. I can't imagine getting married without their approvals... 

I have loved. Been so crazy in love that I'm still reeling from it. But I know they would have loved my choice. I feel sad they never got to meet him. They would have spoiled him crazy. I hope where ever he gets married to now, his in laws spoil him like he deserves to be... :) 

I usually have a whole flow of topic that I want to write, but I end up writing something completely different. I wanted to talk about marriage as a good thing, don't know if I have managed that... :) 

Love or arranged, marriage is something which has to be worked at. You can't just expect things to fall into place.. You shouldn't expect an arrange marriage to be a bust just cause it's arranged. Or expect a love marriage to be amazing just cause the people choose each other. Life does tend to get boring... Sex does become a thing forgotten. Partners do hate each other at times. Raising children does make the parents forget themselves. Through it all if the two people don't forget to love each other, give a second, third, fourth chance to each other; it will all eventually work out... 

I have learned that love doesn't make everything all right.. There are so many other factors which come into play when two people are together... Love does give us the sheer will to work through the shit, but it doesn't solve problems. 

My point is that my culture isn't as bad as it's made out to be. My point is that people who are meant to be together tend to end up together no matter what happens... All we can do is face things instead of running away from it....