The Would-Be Writer

There have been a few posts in which I talk about my fuzzy bunnies. They have died. A very painful, death. You might think fuzzy bunnies are something which can conjured up with the right amount of motivation. However, this might come as a surprise. It is difficult, it is painful and excruciating. Honestly speaking, I miss my fuzzy bunnies. It is important for me to have my fuzzy bunnies. While writing this post, I just realized, fuzzy bunnies are trademarked. I miss a special type of fuzzy bunnies. The one that creep up on you. There are so many people who might not understand this. So let me break it down for you. Each person has a base line body temperature, which is specific to them only. When they meet someone who has a baseline temperature which complements theirs, the body reacts to it. For example a simple act of hugging becomes extremely satisfying and relaxing. Just a disclaimer, these are purely personal opinions and ideas. A misconception might also be that fuzzy b...

I had a fit last night. Not a fit where my body seized up and I had to be rushed to the hospital. It was a fit of irrational needs and wishes. All of a sudden, all I wanted to do was pick up the phone and dial. Just to hear the voice which I feared I am losing touch of. I was so gripped with fear that all rational thought flew out of the window. Then I messaged a friend. So that I could get distracted for a little while, to eventually fall asleep. However, the conversation went on for a really long time. Now this friend of mine is someone who I have realized is pretty sage for their age and experience. While I was wailing away about how I missed the voice I was dying to hear; and how I wondered if I was being missed with same out of mind intensity. My friend said, you probably are missed, but only sometimes. But they weren’t afraid enough of missing you forever to let you go. This made so much sense. There is no way in hell I could have come up with that rationale. There needs t...

Something happened today. A sort of good thing, and when I hung up the phone, my instant reaction was to pick up my phone and make a call. I wanted to tell my person the news. But in a flash I realized that I couldn’t because I didn’t have him anymore. How pathetic? Right? So I did the next possible thing I could think of, which was to call my best friend and tell her. It made me extremely wretched to think how close I had come to actually making the call. Its funny isn’t it one minute there is a person in your life you tell everything to. The next that person has completely disappeared for you. How funny life is… funnier still are emotions. I suddenly had an image of a black ground, with slight fog lower to the ground. This image quite possibly could be the graveyard of memories I have. I will slowly, one by one, have to bury them all. This one particular graveyard will be large. It might possibly be the largest yet. It might possibly be the most visited. Where in my quite mome...

The night in the shining armor is a lie. You might find him, you might think that the words coming out of his mouth are the truth. But don’t you go being fooled by him and his honey like tongue. While all the stories are of the knight in shining armor, rescuing the princess, there is no truth in that tale. My dear readers, let me recap and tell you of a tale. This tale is an old one, the princess fell in love with the knight in shining armor. He came riding on his white tall stallion, his words were sweet as honey, his smile enchanting as the old wives’ magic. It captured my heart, it stole my breath away and took me on a ride on his strong stallion. But what I didn’t know is the pain that came with riding on that horse. Ever gone to the gym, and tried out every machine available there. While working out, you don’t feel the pain in your muscles. But the next day, you will realize the pain you put your body through. You won’t be able to move. Your breath will catch every time a s...

The journey from strangers to friends is a fun one. I mean meeting someone; you never can imagine what the story will be like. I read somewhere, that every person is a story. Their story merges with the people who they meet and interact with. It leads to an interconnected web. If you think about it, it is quite an amazing thing to envision. It starts with a very simple hello, how are you and before you know it, it becomes have you had dinner/lunch, are you alright, I know something is wrong. Until one day you cross from in front of each other and don’t even know if that even happened or not. You fail to remember the time, when just looking at the person; you could know what exactly was going on. But wait, what do you do when this happens? Should it be regret for the rest of your life? Or should you try to make things work? Or should you just let things be as they are and let the ebb and flow of time lead you to where it is supposed to be. This journey might have ended; the en...

It’s been a long time since I put pen to paper. Today is the last day of the year 2014. It was only last year on the same day that I gave my heart away. It was also 2 months later that I got my heart broken. This was the year; I learned the extent of mental and physical pain I could bear. It was this year, learned that pain is an integral part of life. This year saw me becoming a woman, from a girl. Not in any sexual sense. Just in a way where I have felt myself grow in terms of how I think and view the world. Regardless, something’s don’t change. I've learned that external factors have a major role in how your life pans out. There is nothing anyone can do to help you, if it isn't meant to be. People have come and gone. But I've survived through the pain of it all. Over the years, I never thought that I could endure what I believe is the worst pain I've been through so far. Things are still hard; I still haven’t been able to figure out a lot of things, that I sinc...

You know at my age, very close to 25, you learn a few things in life. The first thing you learn is that you second guess yourself all your life. There is nothing you can do about it. There are major decisions you wish you had a clear path to, a clear defined decision or solution to but you don’t. The second thing you learn is that there are many different kinds of friends around. And the funny thing is you need them. The good and bad all together. Another thing I’ve learned is that there are many different kinds of love. There are so many types of them around which you experience in your life. There’s the love of the family, there is the love of friends, for both these loves you are willing to die and stand up to the worst of situations. Now the third kind of love is the one you find in the opposite sex, or the ones who might find in the same sex. See this is the love we all strive to find. The perfect partner. The one who takes our breath away. That one look which makes you weak in...

So I know it has been some time since I lasted posted here. Yes I know some of you might be now tired of listening to me rant and rave about silly things. I mean people all around the world are dying; there is hunger, poverty and children dying all around me. Yet I refuse to think about anyone but myself. How selfish of me is that? But what I have been through I have realized that at some point in our lives we have to think about ourselves. But I have been extremely silly in thinking life would be honky dory after everything. It’s true what they say, you don’t know what you’re capable of until you’re in the mess. You can’t possibly know that you can fight a storm and survive it until you do face a storm. So there’s that. Now the reason for today’s post is the date today. It’s the thirteenth of September. His birthday. Yes, extremely juvenile I know but I can’t help it. I feel like I'm in mourning. Like someone has just died on me and there is nothing I can do about it...

Look closely at the title that I have kept for this post, burning all bridges. You might wonder how someone can do that, burn all the bridges. Let me tell you how. In the last 48 hours I have managed to alienate and push everyone I know away. It might sound stupid. It really is not. Let’s start from the beginning. The guy I keep pining about? If you have been reading my blog you will know what I’m talking about. He just refuses to get out of my head. I have been and come out of serious clinical depression because of him. I guess just as there is an age for binge drinking and all, there is an age for bearing loss and companionship. So yes I think I was past that age when he left. His friend, best friend I might add was with me. With me in a weird way. We were friends yet not friend, not a couple. Yes it might sound weird and very bad. Extremely bad I might add. But that’s how it was. So he lied to me and I blew up. According to him it’s alright for him to lie to me because I’m...

Two days ago, a stranger praised me on my writing. He had come across my blog and struck up a conversation with me. It was invigorating. Highly stimulating and extremely fun. But what got to me was the fact that he seem to get where I'm coming from in my writing. Very few people actually understand.  He shared a quote with me. It was a very nice one something about people not being able to keep up with what they say.  This post is now being continued on another day  I just can't seem to sleep. What better way to while away the time than to write. People don't understand what the life of an insomniac is like. It's not well. I think I just had a panic attack. I met two new friends. Both are a lot of work. They have very many similar traits. But I like ye one better than the other. I don't know how to explain it. They both are self sufficient, self reliant and believe in making me work towards a goal. They both love criticizing me and irritating me.  But honestly speak...

Hey all long time no see... Missed you a lot. But things have been happening at my home. My father lost his job, he has been prescribed an operation of his knee (pls pray for him), and my uncle passed away. So it has been a tough week for me. I've been down in the dumps. Now for the good news. My cousin had a baby boy, I finished my bachelors well almost and I made new friends. Throughout all this I only wanted to talk to one person. No one else sufficed. Isn't it silly? I have so many people in my life the. Why do I crave only one person? It's silly stupid and idiotic of me. I gues It wast mistake for being so blind. But we can't do anything about that now. The title of this is dedicated to something that happened today, well lol also cause I'm watching an Indian film 'Boss'. For all those who are not familiar, pls refer to akshay kumar's movie 'Boss'. I'm sure you lot can find in it English subtitles. This movie is hilarious. I can...

Sorry for such a long gap.... Loss of my phone has hit me hard. I have been swamped, I dont't know what to do anymore. I'm probably not going to graduate this term. And it is making me finicky.... Apart from that I have a big decision to make. Why is it that we look forward to growing up????  I wish I was still a kid. No hard decisions to be made.... No one could depend on me. I wasn't responsible for anyone's happiness. It was all about me and my little wishes, such as going on the swings, pkaying out all day, junk food when I want. Simpler and much happier times.  I have to decide if I should carry forward a proposal which I have recently gotten....... Carried forward from a previous musing....... People don't like sympathizing with other peoples pain. It is just heartbreaking how easy it is to move on. Taking for example the plane which had recently disappeared.  Sitting here in class I look around, all I see are young kids who have no worries. But they all ca...