The Men in my Life

Hey all, it has been sometime since I wrote anything. In fact, nowadays, these posts are the only things which are the words written by me. For the longest of time, words were my strong suit. There is no doubt about that. They were the only thing going for me. Lately, even speaking has become difficult. I wonder why that is? Could anyone tell what are the reasons a person, perfectly capable of speech, has now started to stutter?

I am writing this post at a time when I have nothing else to do. All my friends, my life lines have gone to sleep. Well not all the two who I love the most. They are amazing friends. One is a classmate from when I was in ninth. And counting, that is almost 10 years. We have had our ups and downs, but we always manage to bounce back. The thing about this guy is that he is a bastard. Hahah yes that is the word for him. He is rude, insolent, blunt, and judgmental and a few other rude words I would like to place on him.

However, he is a gem of a person; there are no words for what he has been for me. The thing with him is that he knows exactly, and I mean EXACTLY how to take my mind off my shitty life. He has always been able to do that. I love him with all of my heart. While writing this, a thought just came to my mind, when we lose someone; we concentrate all our energy on the person we lost. We completely forget about the people we have in our lives. I have been so transfixed on the exit of this person, that I have completely lost sight of who I have around me.

The amazing part is when I come to think of it, my friend, let’s call him ummmm can’t seem to come up with a manly name for him. He will kill me if he reads this and the name isn’t manly enough. So let’s call him ‘The Man’. I hope that makes you happy jerk. Well he came back from our dry spell at a time when I needed him the most. And I thank Allah for him a lot. Well now I really hope he doesn’t read this, because we thrive on a relationship of insults only. He hates being nice to me on a principle basis. Just to make me feel better also he insults me.

            With anyone else might not have worked, but with us, him and me; it works perfectly. I love him a lot, he is not without faults but he is a man who tries to fix his mistakes. Hahah had it been up to him, he would have locked me up in a tower with a chastity belt with only one key which would be with him. This tower would be surrounding by water full of crocodiles, which are trained to eat only eligible bachelors. And I still love him. Cause I would kill the woman who hurts him.

This other friend I was talking about, he is a gem which I would never have found if I hadn’t been using Twitter. Yes, we are internet friends, we talked bonded met up and clicked. It was a match made in friendship heaven. There is no other guy I would rather go out for a drive with than him. He brought with him a motley crew of three other guys, and they are all great. But ‘The Man 2’ is amazing and there is no comparison.

We share the same star sign; probably that is why we clicked so easily. But I do nothing but laugh when I am around him. He is that sort of a guy. I wouldn’t any one to ever hurt him. I had no idea I could be so blessed with this guy. And for the record according to him I’m too nice for my own good and I should be locked away. Ahhaahahah I can stare at guys when I am with him, but then I will have to be insulted to a pulp for doing it.

There is no way I could ever repay these two back for having my back. People like these two are really not found nowadays. They make me happy for the time being at least. But no matter what and who is around. I’m still missing a big chunk of myself. And I don’t think that chunk can ever come back or regrow. The skin will just grow over as best it can over a scab which has been meddled with too many times. And frankly I don’t want the marks to go. It will remind me I survived something.

Other than that I can’t help but feel like I need a reminder everyday what a stupid, stupid girl I was. There is nothing else which can be said. I mean how could I think there is a happy ever after? Stupid isn’t it. But you know something even more stupid? I still want to fall in love. I want to feel the love I felt recently again. There is nothing I want more in this world than that feeling. That connection, that intimacy, that feeling of being loved and loving someone; is not attainable in any other way.

An acquaintance of mine, loves pointing it out to me that I am a stupid impractical gone case. Yes his words verbatim. I just am a gone case. He thinks after that hurt I have been through I should not want to go through it all again. Well as I pointed it out to him, I’m in no way a coward. I like to think that at least. There is nothing I would more than finding that inner peace I had with my ex. He is an amazing person and I don’t think Allah made another one like him. He hurt me yes, but I will always want him to be happy. In fact I still worry about him. I can’t help it, Force of habit.

As I like to tell his pessimistic person, love is something which should be embraced. Who would want to be in a marriage where there is no love? Who would want to be with a person who is something in front of us and another away from us? That is a just a sorry state of marriage. Chemistry, physical and emotional is very important. If wanting to have it in my life with my partner, makes me a gone case then yes I am one. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

In the end I want to say, I’m stupid but I have not overlooked the people in my life. It’s just that my ex was my soul mate. He might say otherwise because he likes to act extremely macho. But we really were each other’s’ soul mate. And I feel highly selfish when I say this I hope his wife doesn’t get to see the things he showed me. And I will not take that back under any circumstance. What we had was between us and I hope no one ever gets to know him like I did.