Spiral Downward

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Eid Mubarak to all of my Muslim brothers and sisters. Life is just a shit hole right now. All I want to do is screaming and scream my head off. This is how I feel right now. This is jealousy. Yes self-evaluation is all the rage now. People are just stupid they like to believe they don’t know what is wrong. I believe that all along, people are well aware of what is going on. They know exactly what the mind is thinking and what the heart is feeling.

I’m burning up with jealousy. Yes its sounds stupid right? Who in this wide world might admit to it all? Well I’m not that small; I like to be upfront with what I feel. I miss him every single day. I do and I honestly want to bring this to an end. I pray every day for the release from this pain. But it never seems to come. The relief I am looking for, it never seems to come.

How is it that I, who didn’t do shit, who didn’t do anything wrong ended up with short end of the stick? Yes I’m back to my whining self. I cannot help it. There is no way in hell that I will be able to get over this thing till I get the answers I want. I didn’t do anything wrong, how is it that I am being punished.

How long can I wait for people to come and answer my questions? Why should I suffer any more than I have been made to suffer? I was as perfect as I could be. It just wasn’t good enough. I’m put at the back end of the whole mess, and then blamed for the place I was dished!!!! Yes I’m blabbing, the person I’m talking about might or might not read this post. I honestly don’t care at this point. All I want is for the person to hurt as much as I have correction I am.

I have always stood by my word. I have never gone back on it, ever.  All I got for it was heartache. People are shit heads. I would like to tell people, never to trust someone who looks like they will stand by their word. They are the ones who will never ever stand by their word. At the expense of sounding really harsh, yes I did trust someone. They took my trust, my faith in them and jumped on it first. What they did then was to spit on it and the burn it. And at the expense of sounding very, very crude they pissed on it.

I thought I gained someone from all of this. Someone I could love. In fact I did end up loving them. However, it turns out; I am still the butt of the joke. I am so stupid. I don’t get how I always end up in these situations? My question to you all is how I can be this stupid? Why trust people when all I have ever gotten back is deceit and lies. I might be putting my foot in the mouth, or whatever the expression is.

Yes so people always end up choosing others over me. And I am stupid enough to think there might be reason. But no there is none. What I don’t get is why people think I can read minds? I can’t I really, really can’t read minds.  It’s so stupid off people to think like that. People are so stupid. Just because I can understand things, I can’t get everything about a person. People love taking advantage of the girl who is sweet and caring no? But they don’t realize that the girl has feelings.

During the course of writing this blog, I was able to get in touch with a friend of mine. We have never met. Ever. But this guy has been around for the past 3 years or more I think. And this guy has been a godsend. Whenever we talk, he makes me feel all positive and lively about life. His outlook on life makes me smile. He is one of the most learned and amazing person I know. I can’t wait for him to get married and have someone take care of him. He’s one of those guys, who are always away from the country. The one thing about this guy is he hates loll hates Karachi…… and if he is reading this he knows who he is.

Thank you for saving me from the spiral I was about to go into. J

 

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