The Would-Be Writer

I had a fit last night. Not a fit where my body seized up and I had to be rushed to the hospital. It was a fit of irrational needs and wishes. All of a sudden, all I wanted to do was pick up the phone and dial. Just to hear the voice which I feared I am losing touch of. I was so gripped with fear that all rational thought flew out of the window. Then I messaged a friend. So that I could get distracted for a little while, to eventually fall asleep. However, the conversation went on for a really long time. Now this friend of mine is someone who I have realized is pretty sage for their age and experience. While I was wailing away about how I missed the voice I was dying to hear; and how I wondered if I was being missed with same out of mind intensity. My friend said, you probably are missed, but only sometimes. But they weren’t afraid enough of missing you forever to let you go. This made so much sense. There is no way in hell I could have come up with that rationale. There needs t...

I have been writing messages and sending them, and then deleting them. Even though I have found out that I do not have access anymore. Yet I write them out wishing hoping they get through. Once I realize they aren’t getting through, I delete them. How pathetic is that, my friends? I put on these songs at night which make me feel closer, because we shared a love for music. we used to individually bring songs we had heard and thought the other should hear. Which leads me to remember the drives, my god the drives were a godsend. For both of us I suppose. Very early on we had come to the understanding that we were each other’s safe haven. I brought it up once, the safe haven thing. Whether it would be wise to bring your safe haven where you were running away from. I got a response I was honestly not expecting, that’s what is going to be the best part, I won’t have look around or leave my house for my safe haven. It will be waiting for me when I get home. It left me breathless. It sh...