Welcome Back.......... To the Dark Side

So, without any fluff and bullshit, let me tell you I am back. Essentially, it feels like I never left. Since I feel like I have come full circle. There is no other fancy or pretty way of saying this. Being a part of a couple is not easy. So I have learnt. 

There is no beautiful way of putting it, emotional security isn't all that amazing, as mentioned in multiple memes, stories, Instagram reels, etc etc. People really do not like being a part of a whole. Quite honestly, I haven’t written in sometime. I’m really patchy, my thoughts are scattered. I am continuously wondering what to write, even when I have multiple thoughts in my mind about it. 

Life took me on a new journey, and now I’m on another journey which is alien to me. And to tell you the truth, I think the loss I am feeling isn’t about the person, it is more about the title, the tag I had. But what good is the tag when the clothing isn’t comfortable. When the pants you are wearing, is a cinch too tight, and the shirt is just not right. When you wear these clothes, they just don’t feel like they are yours. There is something missing, or the size could have been better. You can live with them, but they don’t make you feel you. 

While the world around you sees you wither away, well let’s be honest in my case, there has never been any withering, there has always been growing. So, I grew and grew and that became a problem too. I was too loud, I was too scary, I was too angry, I was too fat, I was too hungry for physical connection, I was always just a little too much. In everything. For everything. A little too ambitious. A tad bit too happy. 

I was not enough yet too much. What does someone do when this happens. Do we take the ostrich approach. Do we take the approach of a lion and charge into it headfirst. Do we sit and listen at hours on end, how the other person isn’t happy. But what do you do about this. The loss of a tag, whether ornamental or actual, hits hard. 

But I am numb. I think right now that’s best way forward. Keep your head up high and move ahead. The end of this might get ugly, save your energy for then. There might not be a good or bad side to this, just a phase in life that is passing me. I still can’t believe the tag I had and the tag I will have after this.