In the Loving Memory of the Dearly Departed......

There have been a few posts in which I talk about my fuzzy bunnies. They have died. A very painful, death. You might think fuzzy bunnies are something which can conjured up with the right amount of motivation. However, this might come as a surprise. It is difficult, it is painful and excruciating.

Honestly speaking, I miss my fuzzy bunnies. It is important for me to have my fuzzy bunnies. While writing this post, I just realized, fuzzy bunnies are trademarked. I miss a special type of fuzzy bunnies. The one that creep up on you. There are so many people who might not understand this.

So let me break it down for you. Each person has a base line body temperature, which is specific to them only. When they meet someone who has a baseline temperature which complements theirs, the body reacts to it. For example a simple act of hugging becomes extremely satisfying and relaxing. Just a disclaimer, these are purely personal opinions and ideas.

A misconception might also be that fuzzy bunnies are a result of physical actions like hugging. But let me correct you here. Someone saying you make me a better version of myself can very easily and swiftly cause fuzzy bunnies to wake up and jump around hyper actively.

Sapio-sexual individuals are rarely attracted by physical attributes of people. They may be conversing with the most conventionally handsome/beautiful person, however to them it might not even matter. Their fuzzy bunnies will remain fast asleep, and not even look up. Funny isn’t it? But when there is someone their body heat reacts to, or when they click in terms of how well they work together, the fuzzy bunnies will never stop jumping.

For an average 30 year old female, finding a man who works well with her is a task tantamount to hanging herself. Since well there are a lot of reasons, the most important of this; her need to be with someone who clicks with her. That doesn’t happen often. Once the switch is flipped, lo behold, it is difficult to go for anything less.

I started off by telling you about my fuzzy bunnies. But it is important to understand their importance. It is almost a month since my fuzzy bunnies died a painful death. I think this time they will not be easily resurrected. They are tired of realigning themselves for people who don’t plan on taking them on. There aren’t many people who will actually understand. But my fuzzy bunnies are important to me. I miss them. I miss the reason for their being here. There are so many things that I could write out.

I seem to have words, but I am for the first time tired of using words. I want to stop talking. I want to completely stop entertaining conversations with people. I feel I am not fit for human interactions anymore. I am so worried about the lack of filter between my mind and mouth. There have been moments when I have stopped myself at the very moment, I do not want to hurt anyone. I don’t like doing that. But I think being there for people, making sure everyone is happy. I lost my own happiness. Well I thought I had my happiness, but apparently not.

Again happiness is subjective. I have lived for other people, don’t mistake this as martyrdom. However, I feel making other people happy leads to your own happiness also. But then again, there are times when everything inside of you might be breaking, crashing, and burning; yet you refuse. You refuse the one thing that might have saved you.

I am scared of hurting people. Not because I want to but because of all the hurt that I have absorbed. Not because I can’t help it, but I can feel is oozing out of my pores. There is nothing worse than becoming someone who treats people like shit because they themselves feel like shit. I want nothing more than laying things to rest inside of me.

Hare’s to hoping for the best for myself.