Crashing Waves

Ever been someone who is in love with words, yet unable to use them/ I sit here in my room, wondering what to do with these words of mine. They seem to ebb and flow. Like the way ocean waves ebb and flow. There might be scientific reasons to the ebb and flow of the ocean. There is rather not a simple reason for the ebb and flow of my words.

My words used to flow. Like the crashing waves of the ocean. I had my rock. That is what I thought, however, my rock turned into sand. There was no flow and crashing of words against my rock anymore. Every time I tried flowing, sand would make space for me and wash away. My words felt useless. There was no one to hear my words.

There is a problem that I have, it consists of me wanting to embrace a person so tight when I think they are in pain. This is regardless to whatever hurt I have suffered at the hands of the person in question. How unfair is this. I sometimes want to run away from all these feelings inside of me. The ones I can’t put any words to match with.

How is it possible for the world to turn upside down all of a sudden? How is it possible for people to change from white to black and black to white? Is it even possible for the flow of water to be contained according to your whims and wishes? I rarely have answers to the questions in my mind. I rarely know what to do with all the different ways in which life throws curveballs at me.

What I do know is that I am mentally and emotionally exhausted with all the little bits and pieces which have been chipped away. I read a post recently, about how people who come into your life, become parts of you. The many different ways in which they are there without actually being physically present. How was it possible, ever wonder that? Let me tell you. You know the places which you have been to visit together, or the small phrases that become a part of your daily conversation. How about the little jokes which you keep telling each other? You know the inside jokes which are a result of the days spent, moments spent together.

What do you do with those? Do you learn to live with them, or do you build new memories on top of that. I don’t think it is ever possible to rewrite history or moments of your life. Being on your own is bittersweet. There are so many different things which I would want to do with the thoughts in my mind. I keep rambling wondering if my words are even of any use. Or should I just throw them. Honestly I have never been so lost to now know where my life should be or where I should be.