The Lost Terrain

I think my last post was similar to this one . But I can't help it. There are so many things which make the life of a person happy, but only a small thing can make someone sad.

I havn't been able to get out of bed, move around, or work. Yea I'm a sap. I suck and life moves on. Sooo easy to say, but hard to do. So anyone who is planning on saying please move on, I would like to ask them to walk a mile in my shoes. 

I'm sure there have been people who have had it worse, dead spouses, dead parents, dead siblings, I think there is nothing worse than death. There is no one on this earth.... People just don't get it..... But right now I feel pretty close to it. I don't know if the person this post is about will be able to read it, or want to read it, but I really don't care. 

I honestly don't think he is concerned about my hurt. Otherwise I would have had a hug, would have been able to ease my pain by knowing the person I'm crying for shares my pain. But I don't think everyone is as lucky. I really don't understand what the big deal is. People who don't make it to the finish line together sit and cry about it together. 

But I can't do anything cause I have been shunned. I feel so helpless and so lost that I don't know what to do. 

This thing where the mind is able to play and repeat everything is a shit quality. People are so stupid when they say all wounds need are time to heal. Bloody fuckers the lot of them. Haven't they ever heard of needing closure???!!!! And time is just a relative thing.... I feel like I won't be able to move on properly until I get some answers and some time. I think I'm not being unreasonable in asking for these things. Why does no one get it. Wouldn't it help us both if we could help each other through this pain. I don't think anyone but him can get my thoughts since he is going through them too. 

I just need one last hug. I have accepted the decision but I don't get the attitude. A friend if mine said think that he is dead!!! And I wanted to slug him. How could he f-ing say that??? Not nice. 

I just want to say it hurts. And all I want is sometime to adjust to it. I just want some closure. I want to be able to hug him and say I love you please be with me for a bit. I hate bad goodbyes I am not an unreasonable person. But I am just lost. His hand would be a great help through this time.