What To Do

Hello dear readers.

Hope you are all doing good.

I have a decision to make, a conundrum if you might.

And I would like your help with it

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Now you might ask me what is it with this conundrum, which makes it especially tough to handle on my own. Well let me tell you a little story.

I have a bad habit of looking for the good in people. Even if they don’t have any. To which you might question, if I know I have this problem, why do I not go and fix it. Well to that my response would be because I’m stupid. Or might be possible that I am just well no other word than delusional. Alright let’s strap our boots and get into it.

 So yes, the conundrum I’m in is that I would like to have this person in my life. As we were friends, or so I thought. Please note here dear readers, that I refer to myself as delusional. So yes, we were friends, however, as per this person, it is alright to discuss me with anyone other than with me. Now let me ask you this, is this right or does it sound iffy to only me?

The thing is I don’t like to uphold my ego when it comes to people in my life. But for some reason I refuse to budge on my stance, that if you care, if you want me around, you cannot talk about me with anyone else. Under no guise might I add. However, being the delusional person that I am, I would like to add, that every time I feel my ex friend is not alright, I have the urge to inquire after their wellbeing. Which is all well and fine, but like I said, I should be respected enough to not be talked about with other people behind my back.

What I would like to know is how can I trust someone, who doesn’t want to share something with me but would not mind talking about me behind my back? Aren’t relationships, even friendships all about trust. Well to my knowledge any and all relationships are based on trust. How would you feel dear reader, if someone you considered a friend talked about you behind your back and justified it with something extremely lame? Sorry that is the only word I have for what I was told happened.

People around me need to understand one thing, I am a highly straight forward person. I do not appreciate games, ploys, drama, lame excuses, people who say one thing however are unable to back it up with actions, or the fact that they are unable to accept when they are wrong. If I being a girl, as you all know girls have always been given the leverage of being flaky, no offense to my gender, stand by my actions and words, why not someone else.

I have recently been told that I am extremely weird, but in a good way where people can’t really expect me to do anything normal. Also I have been told, that I am someone who doesn’t get weirded out by anything. Now I don’t know what it means to be weird in a good way, however, I would like to comment here is that someone who is able to stand by their words and actions is now considered weird. Then what exactly has the world come to.

Now to the next comment, I was questioned in length why I do not seem fazed by anything any one tells me. A very clear straight forward response to that is, people are who they are. I mean there is no way you can say that this is how it is, because human nature is the one thing you can never be sure about. So why should I be fazed by anything anyone does. Yes, I do get fazed when people say one thing and do another. Or when someone I trust breaks my trust, or when someone who lets ego rule them in terms of relationships. But I try my level best to accept people how they are. There are no two ways about it. If you want someone in your life, you have to adapt to them.

You can’t comment one day and say their laugh is funny, or they eat funny, or they are extremely fat. Some of my closest friends are heavy. And I love them from the bottom of my heart. The only reason for that is, how would I feel when someone judged me on the basis of who I am as a person. How would I feel if someone said just because you laugh really loud, and in a highly unladylike manner, (which I get told by my mother everyday) I do not like you and you are no longer going to be a part of my friend list.

So dear readers, help me out, I could go on and on and on in regards to what I think is right and what I think is wrong. I am also highly apologetic for the run on sentences. I would really appreciate any and all comments in regards to what to do. I feel I don’t matter, and I never mattered to this person. I mean c’mon how can someone who cares does something like this. Help me out. Let me know, waiting to hear from you lot.