Silent Screams

All I want to do is scream right now. Scream till my voice dies away slowly. It should just die down. So that I have no voice to talk with. Probably that will give me a chance to keep quite. It will give me an excuse to keep quite.

It would give my pain a chance to die down. The inside of my throat itches. From all the things I want to say to you. From all the stories that I want to share with you. The missed conversations are all dissolving slowly inside of me. My words, the world I built is slowly dissolving inside of me.

I don’t think I will ever get a chance to say these things to you. But this hurt is different. I feel empty, barren like there is nothing for me to do. My mere existence has been brought to a standstill. What exactly is it that I was doing at the same time last weekend? I was thinking up of ways to make you laugh. I was thinking up of stories that I would tell you. And when all of that was over, I was thinking of how comforting the sound of your voice is.

I was thinking about a lifetime of coming up with stories for you. A lifetime of hearing you laugh at my silliness. And all of that is now gone, completely and totally. Where there was color, and now there is nothing. Just a blank and the continuous silent screams inside my head. What exactly should one do at this time? And my question is simple, if I can put up with things, couldn’t the other person. What is wrong with people nowadays? Is it so hard for them to stick to their word?

I have never understood the appeal of being someone who doesn’t stick by with their words. I mean imagine a world where no one stuck by what they say. It would be mayhem. It would cause societies to fall and for everything you hold dear to fall apart. The sad part is, that I blame myself. Why believe in people who keep breaking your trust. Why believe in people who are only looking out for themselves. But that’s the problem with me, I keep giving people the benefit of the doubt.

I love with all my heart and trust with every bone in my body. So is why is my heart and bones hurt over and over again, is it because all the people who come into my life come with the sole purpose of tearing me down. I don’t think that anyone wants to hear this, but then again they have all the right to exit stage right from this blog.

But my questions, I have decided to keep to myself. I don’t think I have any bones left to break or for people to break of mine. All I have ever wanted was only one person to myself, that is all.