Long Time No See
Hello to all the people out there who will by chance glance at my blog!!! Been away for a while!!! Life has become really hectic and rushed. Honestly don't know how people manage to make time for anything other then work and studies. But in the end we all have to fulfill what are supposed to do. For a quick recap on what has been happening.....
- I got a JOB in a place which works your ass off, but I still LOVE it!!! For some odd reason, I like working like a mule. Also over the past few months that I have been missing, I can't seem to stay completely free.
- I met new people, who invariably made a HUGE impact on my life. But all that for later!! Be Patient!!!!!
- Changed the manner in which I dealt with people in a major way.... Yes I know that was a long time coming.....
- And last but not the least, I have finally managed to get my life in a good place.............
Over time I have seen that everything and everyone runs their course in our lives. There is no one who knows this better than me. I became soooo obsessed with pleasing people that I forgot that in the end I was the one ending up hurt, abandoned and battered. I was the one who had to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and then mend them. Everyone copes in their own way, I also had a coping mechanism and that was to look for something somewhere where it didn't exist. That always got me in trouble. How to tell someone you don't love them or you do love them????
No one can spare their own feelings without hurting someone else. Someone or the other is always being hurt.
Coming to highlight number two: I met new people. Work brought me in contact with new people and they were amazing. Made new girlfriends who could chat chat and chat away my troubles and fears!!!! It has been soo long since I found such friends!!!! Coming from different walks of life, we were still able to talk and share our lives with each other. Then my trainer was a good person to learn from. We as student and teacher were good, but as friends we are much better....
The two most important people of this whole highlight are a colleague who is no more a colleague and a mutual friend... The mutual friend is a conceited ass!!! There is no other word for it. While it might not be true I believe it... He came and it rocked my world.. Yes worlds can still rock and shake due to the people who are in your life.. And noooo this is not something which is the stuff of books. And I was left heartbroken as always. But I love the line this person dishes out to me (bear with me guys): you have great potential and I'm not the guy who is the guy for you. I don't want you to be my rebound and I don't want to lose you!!! Hahh what the hell does that mean???!!! Can someone care to tell me? Well I know no one can and everyone will think I have been played. But sucker that I am and the love I have for inflicting pain on myself, I went ahead and agreed. Then I just let him hurt me everyday.
Yes I'm rambling and this post will be a lengthy one, I'm making up for lost time. The second person, is a true friend. And even though we just met I hope I never lose him. It might be wishful thinking but I don't want to jinx it. He is like a bird with a broken wing. Though he doesn't need any help or support or anything from me I like to live in the fantasy that he needs me.....
Through the time e have spent together we have learnt a lot about each other and he never fails to make me smile... :) that is the one thing that I can't imagine being without :) I hope he forgets to read this!!!! But he has been a godsend. While he will hate me for putting so much faith in him I can't help it...
Let it be known to the world that I don't take anyone's shit anymore. That's true while some people still have the ability to hurt me I have learnt to hide it well!! That is all there is to the game. From what I have learnt. There are no take backs, no one has the ability to forgive me, and I am not supposed to let people make me feel inferior. Through the time, I have learned that I have shit self esteem. I just can't look at myself in a good light. And some might think this is just a girls way of fishing for compliments, this is not true. I honestly don't know or believe people when they say something nice to me.
But I have now started to try and make amends with myself. There is no one in this world who can provide love to me the way I can to myself. If I don't feel good about myself why should someone feel good about being with me...??
Let me just say that this is being typed while in class and and during presentations. So I'm going to sign off and come back later.
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