Whispering Sweets

The sounds I hear, day in and day out. I wish they would just go silent. Completely quite, so that I could hear what my mind and heart are really saying to me. Because with the clutter of sounds reaching my ears, my own voices gets muffled.

Its like my voices, the one from the brain and the one from the heart, get drowned by all the sounds I hear, day in and day out. Should there be a button you could press and mute the sounds of the world? Or better yet, shouldn’t your own voices, both of them be loud and clear enough that nothing drowns them out.

I don’t think that it is possible for a human being to manage or better yet, let’s call it accomplish. There are so many things, I think I would want to say to myself, if I could ever hear myself clearly. But how can human beings, attuned to hearing others out, not hear them. Correction, I have learnt, not everyone hears the people around them out.

People like to hear only themselves, but are they really. Or is it years and years of someone else’s voice which now sounds like our own that we are listening to. I sit here thinking about the million voices buzzing in my head and I don’t know what to do with them.

Whether to give them a chance, whether to silence them, whether to separate each and every single voice gradually, and then give them all a chance to be heard. But why should I? How important are these voices? Are they more important than my own voice? But the most important question is which voice is more important. Mine, or the various different ones which are merged with my own.

I am scared, shit scared of my voice being drowned by the many different voices which I can hear in my ears, my brain, and my heart. All of them are a culmination of the people who have come and gone, who have come and damaged, who have come and hurt, who have come and left huge, gaping wounds. Every voice, while my own, is a faint whisper of all those, who have consistently and persistently clawed away on the insides of my brain and heart.

What should be the remedy of these voices, how to carry out an exorcism of these voices, the faint remnants of the ghosts of people past? Have I not stood up, stood tall and kept my voice clear over the years that have passed by? Or do I still need to carry out an exorcism? But then I think, that at the end of the day my voice, mixed with all these other tiny voices, is still my voice. There is no mistaking the views of my own merged with those, which I have kept. I choose to keep. I choose to keep all these whispers with me. As bittersweet reminders, to make sure I keep my eye on the prize. I don’t lose myself completely and totally.

That is why, I feel it is important to keep these voices around. Because I want my voice to be the most prominent out of all the voices in my mind. It isn’t possible to make yourself stronger without the voices around you telling you, you can’t do it. Or that your voice is the strongest in your own head and heart.