Roller Coaster Ride

People surprise you. That is one true constant fact that I have found out through the many years of my life, 30 to be exact. By the way I love knowing that I am 30 now. The feeling of being at an age where most things start to make sense is a good place to be.

Penning down my thoughts has always been a thing for me. When my mind can’t stop speaking or running at a fast neck speed, I write. I haven’t written in sometime though. Because I seem to have found another canvas to paint with my thoughts and my words.

And what a canvas this has been, it’s got new pages, there are some colors which turn out one way on it, and there are areas of that canvas I haven’t even gotten to yet. But since the time this canvas has come into my life, there is always something new to paint on it.

I am a completely word person, well a word person which needs to be shown through actions what the words actually mean. I was once told, by a very close friend that there are probably very few people in this world who might understand my way of working. When I say that, I mean they just don’t get how someone like me could be how I am. And with that thought in mind, I started looking beyond the words. Don’t get me wrong, I still like words.

The picture words paint is something which has never changed across and through my years. But with the thought in mind, I saw a completely different world. Where I learnt and found out that actions small changes, slight shifts are telling a bigger story than can be seen. This canvas, is all about painting on it. Which lo behold is also all about action. For me this canvas is all about learning new things and manner of perceiving the world.

And what a world it has been. The roller coaster ride that I have been on since some time now, is one that I probably never want to end. Let me tell you here that with time I have become a very difficult person. when I write that in bold, it means I’ve been told and told again that yes I am a difficult person.

When I first heard this it hurt me, to such an extent I cried. Let me tell you I am a weeper. But I heard this with great frequency over time. Until one day, I heard this: you are a difficult person to be around and handle, but I seem to have done a good job. It was a true light bulb moments my friends. Because here is this person, who seems to be a complete opposite of me. In terms of everything, I am particular, I am annoying, I seldom stop, my mind is always on the go, I pester people with questions, and I make sure I get under their skin. The list really just goes on and on and on. This piece of work, annoying person ended up getting under my skin.

And it has been a push and a pull one way or the other. But what a journey it has been. It’s been a journey which I didn’t even know I was on till some time ago. It was something that was there. And when the realization hit me, I was left breathless, exhilarated and excited for things I haven’t been in a long time. I wrote about butterflies some while back, about how there are is a lack of butterflies in my tummy.

The butterflies are nothing compared to the feeling in the stomach when the roller coaster goes up with speed and then drops down.  That is the feeling I have gotten used to. And believe when I say it’s an addiction. But wait, I don’t like addictions. So let’s work on not telling my person that I am.