The End of the Journey

Hey all. 

I know its been long but bear with me. I just started reading again. So i started with 49 Rules of Love. Its a good book so far. The mystery, the hints of Rumi, the mention of love and the conflicted heroine: are all too much for me to miss out on. 

I used to be someone who devoured books. On a daily basis might I add. Then we came to the age where our phones had mini libraries in them. So i switched to Scribd and other such apps. But believe me when i say. The true hit of reading a book comes from when you hold a hard copy in your hands, lie in bed, have a mug of strong coffee or green tea next to you and read. Read until your eyes start burning but you are unable to put the book down. 

This book today, with all its mention of journey and paths and destiny and fate; made me think of my own. The age old question: what exactly have i been put on Earth to achieve, what exactly is in my fate, am i capable of making my own fate, popped into my head. And for the first time i actually wanted to think about it in detail. 

I am from an age when our parents mapped out our fate. It isnt much different now, seeing as i am letting my prents map out my journey in this life. But i have some say in where i go. They can guide me, they can stop me from making a stupid decision; but in the long haul its my choice what path to choose for myself. 

What my main dilemna is, why cant i be shown the last page of my book. So that i map out my journey in the direction, which will lead me to the last line i have read? This roaming around, hitting one dead end and then another, how good can this be for me? Or for anyone for that matter? I have met many people who as per Maslow's beirarchy for need, have reqched the stage of SELF ACTUALISATION. That in itself is a big achievement. People might never progress further than stage two of thet pyramid. But some have reached the last step. And it makes me wonder, did nature play a hand in this or did nurture.? 

Were they given their play book at the begining of thier lives or did they just not care? Full of questions today aren't i? But lets be honest, its hard work, this life. Trying to please Allah, and parents and family and friends and colleagues alike. I wonder when the time for self comes into all this. Probably this is why self actualisation is a myth for most of us. 

And then i wonder, how can someone so middle class like me ever amount upto something. Since all i see is money  begets money. You can argue this isnt true. But believe me it is. How many cases have there been where a middle class person make enough to be comfortable enough to reach self actulisation. 

But then again that isnt my question. I am perfectly fine with the life i have. Yes i might to tweak it a lottle bit, but overall im alright with it. All i want to know is, how and what my fate/destiny is. Why cant i know beforehand. Wouldnt it be better for me to know and then not make mistakes? Yes free will and all are here for me and everything can be changed with a single decision, but why cant i just know what im struggling for. Yes i know i am struggling for a place in Heaven in the Hereafter. 

I want to know about this life. Whats my end game here. It gets frustrating just going around and around in circles. There isnt much that i can do about it. But this is what i have been wondering.