The Word Fat

Over the last year or so, I had put on some weight. Even though I felt the weight, it didnt really bother me. I was fine with myswlf being the way I am. This is because I had promised myself a long time ago, that no matter what I would always be happy with who I am. 

I had promised myself, that no matter what anyone said, I would be ok. Its funny how such declarations dont matter when its parents pulling you down. I mean i was chubby but never fat fat. I wasnt someone who could roll off of things. And it never really mattered to me how fat i was since i wasnt here to show off or care. 

It started slowly. The taunts. The hints about my weight. The gradual nagging of how my clothes didnt fit anymore. It was a daily battle with my mom. Dont eat this , Don't eat that. I had bad eating habits. Things like girls look better if they are smart and slim. 

It was a daily thing. I started to get concious about who i was and how i looked. No matter what i did, it wasnt good enough for my parents because i was PHAT!!! 

The funny thing is that at end of all of it i guess it was a good thing for me. But wait theres more. I joined work, and my work colleagues were all extremely health concious. It wasnt enough that i was getting hullied at home, now my work people were also on the list. 

I was nicknamed the hulk for having a healthy appetite. I was made fun of at every gathering and office outing. While i laughed along with them, let me tell you it wasnt FUN. 

My poing being, that our society is a peice of shit place of a girl. The real reason my parents wanted me to lose weight was so that eligible men would want to marry me. Mamas of the society would look at me and declare that i was the one for their sons. 

Being a muslim, my belief is that whatever happens is Allah's will. It literally eluded me how a muslim (my mum) could think it was my weight which kept me unmarried till now. 

I did get on that treadmill. I did lose weight. All because the people i loved, werent there in my corner no matter what. They were in my corner for the things they felt okay about. 

Im an average looking girl. But at the end of the day, i live in a society where looks are mite important than how you are as a person.

I was told repeatedly how i look so mhch better now that i have lost weight. Its highly infuriating. I was reduced to the size of the society, just by the size of my dress. It didnt matter that im intelligent, or articulate, or good with words or have a way with people. Since i was fat, i wasnt worth it. 

My point being that be happy with who you are because no one is as selflessly in your corner as your own self. Everybody will have different reasons to pat you on your back. They are the reasons theh feel you deserve a patying for. It doesnt matter what you think or feel. 

Go out and do something you want to pat your back for. Because at the end of the day, you stand alone in this world.