The Break-Up Story
Its been some time ago since I had to really think about something like this: breaking up. We human beings need to be surrounded by relations at all times. There is not a moment when a person would want to be alone and without people to care for them.
Apart from being married, another relationship title which is a huge thing is being a couple. Romantically involved as some would say.
Well these relationships are a land mine. This is not a bitter realization which I suddenly came across, no, this has been in my head since I was old enough to acknowledge things around me. Till now through life all I have learned is that relationships are not as easy as they look on the outside.
It's true that while a marriage is hard to break, a romantic relationship is much easier. Couples might spend years and years together and still not get married. While some couples might be together for only a short period of time and decide to get hitched.
While making a relationship work is a tough job, it is not always the worst part. Parting ways with the person you have shared every second of every minute is also hard.... In fact, I don't think there is anything more painful than parting ways.
How do you manage to take seven years of your life and regard them as finished? How can a person who has been living with you for seven years be someone you don't love anymore? Surely there are couples who are married for the past 20 or 30 or 40 years still together?
But I guess nothing is as constant in this world as change. The thing I don't seem to understand is what is the right protocol during a break up. Are the two people involved supposed to be hostile towards each other? Is breaking up the same as getting divorced, without the lawyers?
Couples who start to live together and share all the expenses in the running of the house, do have to divide everything. Isn't that the same as a divorce? What about the friends, are they supposed to take sides? Or is it just the men versus women?No one has yet been able to answer these questions satisfactorily.
The thing that really gets to me, the real question which I have in my mind is what should be done with the dreams which were dreamt together. For example, having kids, getting married, the date night, the trip to a music festival? What to do with them? Surely there is a proper way in which to cope with the breaking of these dreams.....
They say there are seven stages which a woman faces after a break up. The first is SHOCK. The initial shock of not being with the person you were with for the past however many years, is something not easily gotten over. It is said that shock is the knee jerk reaction of the mind to pain. There is no getting away from it.
Then comes the well known stage of DENIAL. This is where you are not ready to accept what you are going through is actually true. We girls do not want to accept that a guy who you thought was the love of your life, is not there any more. It really is a hard blow.
The next stage is my all time favorite, ANGER. We all whether men or women feel this, Usually it is incumbent upon who broke up with whom. While the women go through the whole phase, men are seldom seen to go through it. Now this anger is not reserved for the partner, it is also directed towards yourself also. All the things gone wrong run through the head during this phase.
The last three phases are: BARGAINING, DEPRESSION, ACCEPTANCE.
The thing is, in the end we have to accept what has happened. There are only a few couples, who after breaking up have the courage to get back together.
All break ups are really hard and difficult. They take a toll on our body, mind and heart. There is no getting over the hurt of losing the person you were the closest to. All the dreams which were seen together disappear. Everything you always dreamt of goes away.
There is a grieving period to everything. People should be allowed to grieve the loss of so many things. There is no hand book on how to get over a break up. This should be respected by everyone around.
Apart from being married, another relationship title which is a huge thing is being a couple. Romantically involved as some would say.
Well these relationships are a land mine. This is not a bitter realization which I suddenly came across, no, this has been in my head since I was old enough to acknowledge things around me. Till now through life all I have learned is that relationships are not as easy as they look on the outside.
It's true that while a marriage is hard to break, a romantic relationship is much easier. Couples might spend years and years together and still not get married. While some couples might be together for only a short period of time and decide to get hitched.
While making a relationship work is a tough job, it is not always the worst part. Parting ways with the person you have shared every second of every minute is also hard.... In fact, I don't think there is anything more painful than parting ways.
How do you manage to take seven years of your life and regard them as finished? How can a person who has been living with you for seven years be someone you don't love anymore? Surely there are couples who are married for the past 20 or 30 or 40 years still together?
But I guess nothing is as constant in this world as change. The thing I don't seem to understand is what is the right protocol during a break up. Are the two people involved supposed to be hostile towards each other? Is breaking up the same as getting divorced, without the lawyers?
Couples who start to live together and share all the expenses in the running of the house, do have to divide everything. Isn't that the same as a divorce? What about the friends, are they supposed to take sides? Or is it just the men versus women?No one has yet been able to answer these questions satisfactorily.
The thing that really gets to me, the real question which I have in my mind is what should be done with the dreams which were dreamt together. For example, having kids, getting married, the date night, the trip to a music festival? What to do with them? Surely there is a proper way in which to cope with the breaking of these dreams.....
They say there are seven stages which a woman faces after a break up. The first is SHOCK. The initial shock of not being with the person you were with for the past however many years, is something not easily gotten over. It is said that shock is the knee jerk reaction of the mind to pain. There is no getting away from it.
Then comes the well known stage of DENIAL. This is where you are not ready to accept what you are going through is actually true. We girls do not want to accept that a guy who you thought was the love of your life, is not there any more. It really is a hard blow.
The next stage is my all time favorite, ANGER. We all whether men or women feel this, Usually it is incumbent upon who broke up with whom. While the women go through the whole phase, men are seldom seen to go through it. Now this anger is not reserved for the partner, it is also directed towards yourself also. All the things gone wrong run through the head during this phase.
The last three phases are: BARGAINING, DEPRESSION, ACCEPTANCE.
The thing is, in the end we have to accept what has happened. There are only a few couples, who after breaking up have the courage to get back together.
All break ups are really hard and difficult. They take a toll on our body, mind and heart. There is no getting over the hurt of losing the person you were the closest to. All the dreams which were seen together disappear. Everything you always dreamt of goes away.
There is a grieving period to everything. People should be allowed to grieve the loss of so many things. There is no hand book on how to get over a break up. This should be respected by everyone around.
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